Money
PART I
I moved across the country last year, despite heavy internal protests that it would be impossible to do unless I had a “good job” lined up first.
Then I took a 2 month “life sabbatical." I thought I would never be able to afford it, even though I craved it deeply.
I’m going to Norway in a couple weeks, even though my income is about as low as it’s ever been.
I look at (ostensibly) objective measures of what it means to have “enough” money, like the number of dollars you need to live a comfortable life in a particular place, and various thresholds for being middle class or - even! - wealthy.
My income is consistently below all of them. Significantly lower, usually.
I can’t tell you how often I throw my hands up in despair, feeling like I will never make it to a point where money isn’t a constant struggle. Or how many tears of despair I’ve cried, angry at financial circumstances that I just can’t seem to shift.
How utterly, deeply befuddled I am when it comes to jobs. What position suits my life AND skillset AND health AND offers a “comfortable” salary + benefits?
Surely there must be something, right?
… but seriously … WHAT!?
And yet somehow, curiously, both statements are true:
I am living a privileged, expansive life with an insane amount of excess.
I have a small salary that barely covers my cost of living.
How does that work?
Some basic math comes into play. For example:
I have generous parents who have helped with bills, and provided free housing & food for that sabbatical.
I paid my car off around the time of the move, and car insurance is a solid $120 cheaper (per month!!) in MN.
Leo isn’t going to daycare/boarding as much as he did before.
Those changes are financially significant.
Still, my current salary is the lowest it’s been in years. My expenses are lower too, but not that much.
The math literally doesn’t add up.
But somehow, I have more than enough now?
There’s a lot to be said for putting our logical, analytical brains into play. It matters that we understand the basic arithmetic: how much comes in, how much goes out.
I also know, thanks to continued study & practice over the last 8 years, that logic only goes so far.
The result is an entirely new framework around money and finances, so that I now stand on a different, more stable philosophical grounding of what money even is.
That means I’ve visited A LOT of emotions and stories and ideas, and I speak different words and entertain different thoughts about money.
It’s an ongoing thing.
Words about money are pouring out of me these days, so I split them up into a few pieces.
Stay tuned for the next one(s), if you’d like.